A Whisper On The Wind

Dear Followers

2011-05-09T17:13:00.001-05:00

I have decided to blend all my blogs into one, so please come and follow me at Jeneral Mom

Started a new blog

2010-01-03T19:20:00.004-06:00

As the intro post says, I have been feeling directionless since losing my job, becoming a SAHM, and putting my Ph.D. on hiatus and I wanted to set a goal for myself that wasn't about the kids, but could include them. So, I have set a challenge for myself to make a homemade product for 365 days. I would love some support (followers) and maybe to have people play along when I set up some challenges (like asking people to make something homemade on Thursdays and post about it).

homemade365.blogspot.com

The rundown

2009-12-09T08:09:00.003-06:00

Bullet pointed list to explain my lack of posting:

I rolled my ankle at the park 3 weeks ago. I have a freakishly high tolerance to pain (yeah, I'm the chick who dilated to 9cms without knowing it) so I went two weeks in what I consider "pain" and then tought it would be a good idea to have it checked out in case it is broken. Not broken, but the ligament is ripped off the bone, and will take another 7 weeks to heal, so I am in a brace, am supposed to stay off my feet, not drive too much, and not do any weight bearing (hello ankle, have you met my life...not going to happen).
Miss L. keeps me on my feet (dear L., see drs. orders from above. Oh, you don't care, okay then). Not only does she speed crawl and stand up, but she has started walking while holding on, and recently discovered the ability to climb up the stairs. Also, she will eat anything so must be watched constantly...she even stuck her tongue in an electrical outlet. P-Daddy refers to this as "the infant stage of imminent danger".
we've had alot of birthdays (C, X, and me) and we are planning a big birthday bash on the 12th. Now, I just have to find or make a dragon pinata, and come up with quests.

Things I never imagined saying....

2009-11-20T20:12:00.000-06:00

X - "Mommy, can we have some carob chips?"
Me - "Sure"
S - "I'll get them; where are they?"
Me - "In the freeze, next to the placenta."

Pity my children, poor poor things. I think they will be scared for life from some of the wacko, hippy things I do. But, they are still eating the carob chips.

blah

2009-11-18T12:07:00.001-06:00

'nuf said......

Blogging is hard:

2009-11-07T21:42:00.003-06:00

1) with kids who like to eat and drink and pee and have needs that only you can meet;

2) while nursing...it is hard to type one handed while defending the keyboard against marauding little hands;

3) when you want to be substantive but your brain pretty much works on one or two word sentences like "food good", "one moment", "not now", "must sleep".

4) when you wish you were witty or clever, or even a little bit interesting, but all you can muster up is anecdotes about kids and poop.

Now for the good news, I have the blogging bug back and will be true to my bloggie self and work on this blog as well as the others I have planned.

Mixing things up

2009-10-25T17:27:00.002-05:00

My friend Dawn is one of the most creative (and giving) people I know. Sure, she is a little manic about changing the look of her blog all the time, but hey, she is a graphic designing wiz, so you have to cut her some slack :) Well, her shop is now a free shop wherein she makes the cutest blog designs and then gives them to the world for free. So, I have had this same blog design since I started and while I love it, I feel the need for some creative mixing things up, so I am going to start using Dawn's designs on this blog and rotating them. I am in the process of setting up a number of other blogs which I will use Dawn's designs for as well (or um, maybe beg her for some specific designs). Once they are up and ready I will post links.

P-Daddy is home from Hawaii and I have a pork roast in the oven (with a mustard rub and lots of garlic cloves in it), Chardonnay chilling in the fridge, Meritage breathing out on the counter (in case we can't decide between red or white), and garlic green beand waiting to be made.

Today is a good day.

Just for the specs: I am first going to try out "calming down" layout that Dawn posted today. Please check out her designs at Almost Ready Blogs.

Hawaii....and stuff

2009-10-23T06:23:00.004-05:00

P-Daddy has been in Hawaii for about a week now. Things are going better than expected here (which is to say we have all survived intact) but we are looking forward to him coming home on Sunday. Apparently, I will be going back there in 5 years to renew our vows (at the Turtle Bay resort on the North Shore), so yippeee, something to look forward to. The kids have all been feeling crappy and S has missed 3 days of school. I am forcing him to go today so that he can pick up his missed homework (yes, in Kindergarten).

The drybed creek at the park we go to for Homeschool Day was flooded this week and was up to about the kids knees. They all had a great time wading in the water, building a rock bridge with the older kids, and playing with their friends...that is until C tripped and fell into the water. Then, I had to strip them all down and head home. Thank goodness I didn't get pulled over, because three scantily clad children and a perfectly warm and cozy baby may have been tricky to explain. No pictures from the park as the camera is on vacation in paradise.

We have been looking after Otto Doggy while RR, AC, SRC, and LRC are also in Hawaii. We go over three times a day and spend an hour or so with him. Pretty much all he wants to do is cuddle on the couch (which is nice) and the kids are having fun. Granted, I am obsessively vacuuming their house everyday because they have a Dyson and I miss my Dyson so it is like vacuum therapy.

Time to go see if S still has a fever or if I can force him to go to school.

Shout out to Penn State!!! Hi Ellen!!

Is this weird?

2009-10-05T21:40:00.002-05:00

Is it weird that I haven't been blogging because I have been planning other blogs? Is that kind of like cheating on my blog? I will detail those more later. I am sneaking a few seconds on the Internet without someone demading I feed them or get off the computer so they can play PBSKids.com (damn you P-Daddy for showing them how to play educational computer games). Okay, honestly I am just suffering from some pretty severe exhaustion. Miss L has decided that she can not possibly go more than 45 mins between nursings so my night goes something like this:

7pm - insert breast in baby's mouth. Leave it there until 9pm when I try to lay her down.
9:15pm - stick boob back in.
9:30pm - lay her back down and desperately hope she sleeps
10:15pm - feel her crawl back onto me and demand just a little nightcap.
repeat until 4:45am when alarm goes off, I give up, go downstairs and start my day.

We have also been having some pretty serious discussions about pulling S out of school, and have come to the conclusion that X will be homeschooled because there is no way, with his personality, that he would last in a class setting. Now he wants a uniform with a purple shirt and blue or khaki pants.

Mostly, I have been doing research and planning for a low-carb diet for X and me. After reading Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution (on the recommendation of my friend, April) I have to finally suck it up and treat my combo of hypoglycemia and insulin resistance. Also, I can fuck with my body as much as I want, but I have no right to screw X up. So, I will treat his hypoglycemia until he is out on his own, and makes his own decisions. My endocrinologist wanted me to do the 1st phase of South Beach to reset my pancreas, but I think I will do my own combo of Dr. B, South Beach, and things from Nourishing Traditions and Body Ecology.

Busy, busy, busy

2009-09-14T12:12:00.002-05:00

We have been crazy busy trying to adjust to this school thing, partying with all of our friends (many, many of whom have recently had or will soon have B-Day parties), and trying to establish a working schedule for those of us left at home.

L is desperately trying to crawl and gets really frustrated when she can't, so she has been super attached recently.

I signed up to market wines for a winery in Napa. I have my own business called Time Out Wine and do in-home wine tastings for people...at least I will once I get everything started. I will have a blog for that too.

Honestly, I have just been really uninspired to write anything. It rained several days last week and everything seems fresh and new, so I will try to write again.

P-Daddy B-Day

2009-08-26T10:04:00.004-05:00

Today is P-Daddy's B-day. He took the day off work so we could go and do something fun, but then we all remembered that S goes to school now and it would be unfair to do something as a family without him. So we are at home watching movies. S and I will go to pick up the needed items to make him the Apple Pie he requested in lieu of cake after school.

Here is a cute little video of L dancing with P-Daddy. The sound is messed up so you may want to mute your volume.

Yum - Fermented Foods

2009-08-12T09:47:00.003-05:00

I LOVE fermented foods (yoghurt, buttermilk, kefir, kombucha, kimchi, sauerkraut, etc.) and have seriously been considering refining our diets (especially mine, Spencer's and Xavier's) based on the Body Ecology Diet.

Cultures for Health is having a great giveaway right now for free starters. I am psyched about entering. Go to Kelly the Kitchen Kop for details.

I already make our own yoghurt, cottage cheese, bread and most baked goods, so I am not worried about all the fermenting required by the diet. More later when I finally decide what I am doing.

My love of clogs

2009-08-05T09:33:00.003-05:00

So, as a child of the '70s I have an abiding love of clogs. In fact, when I became a very strict vegetarian, my leather clogs were the one thing I refused to throw/give away. They were finally done in by R-dog when he was a puppy, yet I continued to hold on to them for sentimental reasons. I also love high heels, but cannot wear them safely - I am hypermobile which means my joints pop in and out of place really easily, so walking in heels generally means 1)take a step, 2)have ankle pop out , 3)shift weight to pop ankle back in, 4)step with other foot and repeat. I eaither have to wear high heel boot with thick heels or if I am lucky something with a strap.

I was reading Angry Chicken this morning and she had a post about a dress and clogs. I followed the link to Swedish Hasbeens and I AM IN LOVE. I want one of everything in every colour...so not going to happen as they price out at about $170USD each. Oh, to dream the impossible dream. I particularly love these:

Now all I need is stylish clothes and my old smokin' hot body back to go with the shoes. Actually I like these ones too,and I think they would be super cute with this dress from A Green Banana at Etsy, but I don't yet have enough body confidence back to wear something like this.

Well, this is the kind of post you get when I've had 2hrs of sleep because L nursed from 8:30pm to 2:30am, slept for about 2hrs, nursed until 7:30am, took an hour nap and has had to be nursed or held since then....yes, I'm blogging one handed. No, she won't take a pacifier nor a bottle.

I think I might need to watch my language....

2009-08-05T09:02:00.003-05:00

I was playing around with the girls the other day and teasingly called them fussy britches, when all of a sudden I hear S yell from the other room "don't call my sisters fucking bitches!" Yeah, this tells me I swear a wee bit too much.

note - I have never, ever called my daughters fucking bitches...I reserve that for crazy ass women drivers who cut me off while I'm barreling down the 1604 at 70mph (app.110kmph).

Menu Monday

2009-08-03T11:24:00.002-05:00

L is being amused by S - she is sitting in her Bumbo, which is in an empty laundry basket and he is pushing her around - so I have a minute to post.

Monday - bean and cheese wraps
Tuesday - curried green peas and potatoes over rice
Wednesday - veggie tomato soup
Thursday - sweet mango mahi mahi (for P, X, and C) and mango tofu (for me and S) over couscous
Friday - pirogies with tomato sauce and veggies
Saturday - tacos
Sunday - pulled pork fajitas

I have a crazy, busy week coming up so not sure how much I will be able to post.

Bad, blogger! Bad, Bad, Blogger!

2009-07-29T22:04:00.002-05:00

Sorry, I have been MIA. I have been doing alot of research on the business (or businesses) I am thinking of starting. Add to that a major L growth spurt and I have essentially been either engrossed in research or tied to a nursing baby.

One thing this week - had my second ever panic attack. The first one was at Kinder roundup at the local public elementary, and the second was in Walmart on Sunday, Kindergarten supply list in hand, battling it out with the other moms for the last 6-pack of glue sticks. I have issues, major major issues. And, damn, why do I have to spend so much money supplying a class that my tax dollars are supposed to cover - a sack of paper plates; seriously? Two rolls of paper towels; really? Construction paper for everyone to share; come on!!!!

Eventhough we have decided to let S attend the Science Academy he was accepted into, he has asked to also be homeschooled, so we will be doing afterschooling on the subjects he either won't get or won't get in depth, as well as extra practice in subjects he does get. X is very upset that S is going without him, so I will be doing much more homeschooling with him than I had previously planned. Most pre-K and K but very light heartedly because he is like me - if he doesn't think get something perfect the first time he freezes and doesn't want to try (sorry sweatheart, my paralyzing perfectionism and self-doubt were not traits I wanted to pass on to anyone). I will post our new schedule once I figure it out.

L needs me again, so gotta go. And, as I said on my Facebook account, I am saddened by the fact that there is absolutely no sexual connotation to the thought of having my boobs in someone's mouth all night. One day they will be purely decorative again, but for now their true function is answering the call of the distress call of the hungry boobie bird.

L's 5-month stats

2009-07-23T15:52:00.004-05:00

So, I finally took L to a doctor to get her vaccinations. She has been extremely healthy and I didn't want to take her to a doctor during the swine flu scare, and then, well, I just haven't done it. So, the kids and I packed up, drove to the docs and she got a check up. She is wonderfully healthy, and had a great time until the shots - at which point she looked at me with the most betrayed look I have ever seen. We came home and she slept for 4 hours, but when she woke up she forgave me.

Her stats:

Height - somewhere between 27 and 28 inches. She kept moving her leg and so we took the only measurement we could get accurately (which was 27inches) but the nurse thinks she may be taller. SO, that is somewhere between the 97th and 100th percentile.

Weight - she weighs about 15lbs 8ozs. That puts her somewhere around the 60th percentile.

So, based on those two measurements, looks like she will have X's body type - tall and thin. S and C are very proportional in height/weight - his height and weight have always been the same percentile and C is always about the same with weight being higher than height.

Her head is 16inches, which puts her in the 20th percentile - I find this funny because the boys always had big heads (with percentiles higher than weight or height). Guess we'll just see how big her head gets.

Sorry for the absence

2009-07-20T15:17:00.008-05:00

Yikes, it has been a long time, eh? The last two weeks have been crazy.

On Saturday the 11th, X went to his first Batizado for capoeira and received his first ranking cord. It was incredible to watch the advanced students and Mestres play, and I was thrilled that X was able to participate. We were also happy for our friends JR and KR who also got cords. P-Daddy wants to take capoeira up so he can do handstands and bounce up and down on one hand.

Sunday was S's birthday and we had a Star Wars-themed party for him with homemade lightsabers (note to self: arming masses of children with weapons results in absurd amounts of chaos), lightsaber decorated cake and tons of fun.

On Tuesday, baby Martyn was born to our friends Jac and Joanna. Can't wait to see him! Then on Friday, baby Charlotte (Charlie) was born to our friends Kris and Brandon. Welcome to both of them. On the same day an old friend of mine (Max from CEGEP) became an uncle for the first time to little Laila (another L name).

Charlotte Young

Also, we found out that S got accepted into Harmony Science Academy - a magnet school in our district that has very strict academics and a concentration on science, math and reading. I was very conflicted because I was looking forward to homeschooling him, but he asked to try it out. He also said that he still wants to be homeschooled and do all the fun things we planned, so our educational journey has gone from homeschooling to afterschooling. I will probably concentrate on things he won't get in school (or only a little of) like history, geography, languages in the earlu grades like Latin and Greek, art and music history, and then just extra practice in literature, math, science, vocabulary, spelling and handwriting.

Thursday, I threw a Tutu party. A bunch of us moms got together and made tutus. It was a hoot and the little ladies got some pretty tutus.

Then Saturday, S and P-Daddy went out for S's birthday treat - lunch, movie and toy shopping. I have been spending my time coming up with business proposal for what I want to do once my stupid cheque from the moving company gets here (anyone else think 5 weeks is a little much to wait for a cheque?)

Homeschool Tuesday - learning when you are sick

2009-07-07T17:47:00.005-05:00

Spencer and Xavier have been working their way through Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, but they are finding the early lessons too easy and we are going through several in one sitting. However we have been struck down with a fever that is going around so formal lessons have stopped until the kids are all well. While they are not up to par, they are watching the

Leap Frog DVDs (which I cannot recommend highly enough) in place of reading lessons,

Zaboomafoo for nature study and

Magic School Bus DVDs for science.

Menu Monday

2009-07-07T08:49:00.002-05:00

Sorry this is late - we lost Internet, cable and phone last evening for about 4hrs - I think due to the "storm".

Monday - Israeli Couscous with Pesto, almonds, onions and honey goat cheese.
Tuesday - Roasted Veggies with Italian seasoned Barley (I found a bunch of great squashes and peppers at a roadside veggie stand)
Wednesday - Split Pea soup with homemade bread
Thursday - Mexican-inspired Lasagna
Friday - Quinoa, Avocado, cranberry wraps
Saturday - Tacos (veggie crumbles, guacamole, tomatoes, onions, salsa, cheese, sour cream)
Sunday - Spencer's B-Day with a party during the day so if we want to eat dinner after the party is over I will have veggie hotdogs and regular hotdogs - I'm guessing we won't actually be eating dinner.

As you can see there are two carry over meals from last week.

Listlist Sunday

2009-07-05T15:03:00.003-05:00

What I Hate About Texas in July

1) It's hot, fucking hot!
2) see item 1

www.eggs.ab.ca/kids/Tricks/eggtrick007.htm

Menu Monday

2009-06-29T16:46:00.003-05:00

Here is this week's dinners:

Mon - Kielbasa sausage with peppers, onions and potatoes (we usually only eat meat on Sunday, but got take out last night)
Tues - Italian lentils over rice
Weds - Canada Day Potluck (I think I am bringing cheesey broccoli potatoes)
Thur - Split Pea Soup
Fri - Spaghetti with black olive and caper sauce and goat cheese
Sat - Mexican Lasagna
Sun - Latin Chicken and rice

Wacky Wednesdays

2009-06-24T10:12:00.005-05:00

I have hesitated mentioning this before, but I was hired on to write for the San Antonio Examiner on topics relating to Attachment Parenting. It is an online magazine/newspaper tagged lined as the "insider source for everything local." Almost all cities have their own edition. I am waiting to have my first article, "Intimacy and the attached parent" approved for publication. I get paid per page view ($10 for every 1000 hits) so it is not a big money maker, more like a forum for me to link people to attachment parenting, and things happening in SA. I am pretty excited.

I am also in the planning stages of creating my own business and also doing some planning to market things on the side (more on these when and if they actually happen). I am still developing my informational blog called "Big Family, Small Budget" - does what it says - talk about living with a big family on a small budget.

We got a box of girl clothes from a friend yesterday. It has sizes from 0 months to 6years. I barely got it through the door before the kids ransacked it. I have tried to organize it 5 times, but C keeps trying on all the clothes and the box has been made into a car/rocket ship by the boys. L is a little ambivalent about the whole thing. Needless to say, the family room is covered with cardboard and clothes. I am just going to be zen about it and let my frustration fade away until I catch up with all the other stuff I have to do.

I need to figure out what to do about our bed. The movers mangled our mattress during the move-from-hell and broke the headboard and mattress frame, so our bed has a horizontal fold down the middle and a vertical dip because the bed in sagging due to lack of support from the broken frame. We are all waking up grumpy and in pain. Either we have to ditch the frame and headboard and just put the mattress on the floor or we have to fix the frame; neither option is particularly appealing at this time.

I have been trying to cut down on our consumption of sugar and sugary products (not that we ever ate many) in the first stage of revamping our diet to be more in line with X's and my hypoglycemia. I'll just put this out there: I would sell an ovary for some brown sugar or maple syrup to put on my porridge right about now. I WANT MAPLE SYRUP!!! THE REAL KIND NOT THIS FAKE SHIT!!! Oh my kingdom for a cabane a sucre and the heady days of sugaring off...maple syrup boiled down and poured over fresh snow so that it becomes viscous and taffyish, oreilles de crise, maple pie, ham and beans, split pea soup (check this out for a typical sugaring off feast - the site is in french, but if you can't read it, the pictures do the trick). Mouth stop watering.

The dishwasher is broken (won't drain properly) but after 3 days of trying to fix it I have given up and am just using it. The water never overflows it just doesn't drain totally, so I am trying to make my way through the mounds of dishes that piled up during my futile fixing days. I am also drowning under loads of laundry - all the linens that mildewed in the closet when the a/c unit backed up and leaked through to the linen closet, the sleeping bags and comforters from the indoor campout that had juice dropped all over them, and the regular laundry.

Wow, I need to start writing all these things down because my brain is not fully operational right now. So, here is my To Do List for Today"

- catch up on extra laundry
- publish first Examiner article
- do boys' laundry
- do thorough cleaning of boys' room and playroom (usually the boys room is on Tuesday and I do X's laundry on Tuesday and S's laundry on Wednesday, but I didn't manage it yesterday). Thorough cleaning involves stripping and remaking beds, thorough vacuuming, washing walls and baseboards, dusting blinds, putting everything away properly.
- work on blogs and blog design for new blogs
- figure out how to widen the main column in this blog because it is bugging me how narrow it is.
- detail out business plan
- finish homeschool budget and find best prices for books
- reading lesson with S and X (okay and C too because she wants to be included, but isn't really ready)
- do loan forbearance application for student loans
- make dinner
-organize clothes from friend

God that is depressing; I am stopping now.

Just a fun picture to get me through the day (thank god they're cute):

Homeschool Tuesday - My Ideal Curriculum

2009-06-16T16:59:00.014-05:00

In Texas, homeshools are considered "private schools" so you can name your "school" and have diplomas, etc., printed up. We have decided to name our school The Purple Door Schoolhouse.

So, my ideal curriculum for Purple Door Schoolhouse, Year 1 is (both boys will be doing it, with X receiving a little extra help in reading):

English
Spelling - Spelling Workout
Grammar - First Language Lessons
Reading - Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading
Writing - Writing with Ease
Handwriting - Handwriting Without Tears (I am having trouble deciding between this and either Getty-Dubay and Zaner-Bloser, so any reviews/critiques would help)
Vocabulary - Wordly Wise 3000 2nd edition
Editing - G.U.M. Drops

Literature

For our component of assigned read alouds, I will make my own curriculum based on suggestions from a Well Trained Mind and which correlate with our history, geography and science assignments.

For our component on "free" reading, I am going to go through alot of great book lists like Veritas Press, Classical Christian Education, Kidsreads, Brightly Beaming Resources, and Ambleside (to name a few), but will probably concentrate on the books from Homeschool Share and Five in a Row (not the whole unit studies, just the literature component).

We will spend 18 weeks doing fables and fairy tales, and 18 weeks doing poetry and plays.

History - History Odyssey

Geography

Cultural Geography - I will combine Galloping the Globe (which seems to have a very Christian component) with Geography Units from Evan-Moor for a complete study.

Physical Geography - Beginning Geography Series

Science -R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey - I may also look into NOEO science because R.E.A.L. doesn't have a physics section yet, so I will probably have to use NOEO if R.E.A.L doesn't come out with one before 4th grade.

Math - Singapore Math with supplements for extra practice. I am also considering getting the Mathtacular videos because all the kids seem to respond really well to learning concepts from DVD.

Art and Music

Art and Music Appreciation - Harmony Fine Arts at Home
Practical Art - Art Adventures at Home. I also ran into a woman (she was the wife of the farmer I bought veggies from last Friday) who also has an art business that runs classes for homeschool kids, so I might check it out.
Practical Music - not sure how this is going to go. I am considering this program, but may end up doing private lessons at some time.

Foreign Languages (we will be working through this slowly)

Latin - Minimus
Spanish - The Learnables for Spanish

Critical Thinking - Critical Thinking texts from Critical Thinking Company

Personal Growth and Development - I am creating my own curriculum, and this year will concentrate on manners, values and character.

Ah, the pox!!!

2009-06-16T11:37:00.002-05:00

Last night my friend let us know that her daughter had chicken pox. This really isn't a big deal (so don't feel bad about it, Owl) but I have a weird thing where I have no immunity to chicken pox. I have had them at least 3 times, and probably more. The last time was in October of 2002. I was really itchy and spotty and when I called the Student Health Center, they had me come to the front door, rushed me past everyone and quarantined me in a room where the air was recycled. They wanted to keep me away from the general population in case anyone there was immuno-compromised or immuno-suppressed. When they finally realized that I did have chicken pox, they sent me home with some anti-itch stuff and some other meds and told me not to leave my house for 2 weeks so that I wouldn't come in contact with anyone who was pregnant or had immune issues. Wow, you get treated like a pyriah when you are an adult who gets a childhood illness. P-Daddy wasn't sure whether he had it as a child (and his sis couldn't remember either, but thought he had) but he was brave and stayed in the house with me.

Fast forward to this mornign and X woke up with a really high fever and all the others have low-grade fevers. I am hoping they are all just feeling ill (as am I) and that I don't end up with poxy kids because I am fairly sure the isolation would drive them insane.

Also, I have decided to make everyday a theme day so I can come up with something to write. Sometimes I have so much to say that I just get all flumoxed deciding what and when to do it, so hopefully themes will keep me in line. Not that I won't post about other things also. And I need to come up with cute little pictures for all of these

So here are my themes:

Boring Posts for Saturdays
Listlist Sundays (that is a play on the word listless, because I am hoping to have lazy Sundays)
Menu Mondays (discussion about food and menu we will be eating this week)
Homeschool Tuesdays (two of the local homeschool groups have their park days on Tues.)
Wacky Wednesdays (my crazy thoughts all in one day)
Week in Review Thursdays
7 Quick Takes for Friday

Boring Posts for Saturday - Part 2

2009-06-13T23:04:00.003-05:00

Well, I actually had a really nice, exciting Saturday. We hosted a "Welcome, Babies" celebration for all the babies who have been born (or are about to be born) at P-Daddy's work. 3 out of 4 have names that start with "L" so we have begun referring to them as the L-Pack. It was really nice being able to put faces to names.

I was, however, very sore because I had been up until 1am cleaning the carpets and couches. The kids ran like squirrel monkeys on crack and then crashed.

Good day all around!!

Crisis of No Faith

2009-06-12T16:58:00.003-05:00

So, I have been wondering how to put into words what I have been feeling lately. I think I am having a crisis of no faith. For those of you who weren't raised with me, or by someone who was also raised with me, a little background. Both my parents were raised Catholic; my dad was even an altar boy. However, neither of them was religious growing up, and my dad, as a teenager, became an atheist. My brother and I were raised as such with a deep distrust of any institutionalized religion, but we were encouraged to investigate and learn about all faiths so we could, eventually, make up our own minds (with my dad knowing full-well what our decisions would be.) Well, lately I have been regretting not having any kind of faith. I wish I could believe that some of the things that happen to me, to friends, and family all had a greater purpose. I wish I didn't believe that the randomness of life was just that - random. I wish I could believe that I was "meant" to meet P-Daddy and we were meant to have all these kids (and that it wasn't just 4 catastrophic failures of birth control because, damn, who has that much bad luck with birth control?){not that I consider having my children bad luck...see what I mean...I wish I could believe that I was "meant" to have them}.

My greatest wish is that I had some kind of belief in a heaven, nirvana, paradise, what-have-you. The only thing I truly am terrified of is death. Logically I know I will die one day. It has always scared me; sometimes it scares me so much that I think it will scare me to death - imagine the irony in that. Well, it never truly hit me how devastating my view of death and what happens after has been to me. When I was little, I asked what death was, and what happens after. I was told that everything just ends. You don't see or hear or breath or taste. You get to chose between being baked in an oven until you are rendered into dust, or being put in a box in the ground to slowly degenerate and get eaten by bugs in a strange circle of life. The moment S was born was when I truly realized how horribly that knowledge has affected me. The thought of any of them either being cremated or buried has the power to render me immobile. The knowledge that they will die some day is almost more than I can take. I have had a recurring nightmare about having to make the decision that leads to the end of one of my children's life (I will not say which one) and the dream still has the power to wake me up sobbing in the night. I wish I had some hope of being with them forever. I want to see my pets again. I want to hug my grandfathers again. I don't want to spend eternity alone (not that I will care once it happens).

And then I obsess over sad blogs like this I wish I had the strength of conviction this woman has. Although I do dispute the idea that all pro-choice, non-religious people vilify her and people like her. Not that I could ever hope she would read my blog or even know that I exist, but if I could I would tell her this: I am staunchly pro-choice and a non-believer. However, I would have made the same choice as she did...I too would have brought my child into the world so that I could spend a few seconds, minutes, hours, days or months with them, and so that I would be comforted by the knowledge that they died in my arms or the arms of my husband.

Wow, this has been morose and rambling, so I apologize for that.

Another casualty of the move

2009-06-12T16:53:00.002-05:00

My claim for damages : $7141.46
Actual amount we will get (i.e. the bare minimum the moving comapny is legally obligated to pay us): $834.60

...and they refuse to pay for our broken television because we can't prove it was working before we moved it (um, wtf? who moves a broken television), nor will they pay for the very large dog pen they somehow misplaced because it somehow didn't get listed on the re-written inventory list, and I didn't notice, eventhough the movers made jokes about how heavy it was when they loaded it. And, where the hell is the damn thing anyways? On the side of the highway with some of our other missing stuff, no doubt!!

Boring Posts for Saturday

2009-06-07T08:57:00.002-05:00

BaaBaa, I am such a sheep. No, seriously, I hear about something fun, check it out, and have to join. So in that vein, I am going to join the Boring Posts for Saturday game that I heard about from my friend Dawn (but the idea originated with Mary, here).

So, you may notice that it is, in fact, Sunday, not Saturday. Well, turns out my boring Saturday turned out to be a really cool, fun Saturday so I didn't get a chance to post until now.

The day started out quietly. Sat around, watched some television, spent a large portion of my morning plotting out, diagramming, listing, my homeschool schedule for next year. Talked to G-Ma for a bit. P-Daddy and the kids (minus L) went to the park. I got invited to a pool party/Pampered Chef party, so I shaved my legs (sorry, TMI), shoved my post-partum belly into a bathing suit, extracted P-Daddy and the kids from the park (it was too hot for them to walk back) and headed out for an evening of kitchen gadgets, food, wine and swimming. L loved (!!!!!) the pool and actually fell asleep in it. Came home, ate leftover Tacos that P-Daddy and the kids had eaten earlier, P-Daddy and the kids went upstairs to bed at 8pm (where P-Daddy fell asleep) so I watched a little more television and went to bed.

Stupid Heat!!

2009-06-02T17:34:00.002-05:00

I don't do heat and humidity well (yes, I know I voluntarily moved to Texas and should keep my whiney mouth shut). Kansas was hard, but so far Texas has been hotter but less humid. I blow up like a blowfish in the humidity and heat (soooooo not attractive!!!).

Well, we were doing well not using the a/c but it has gotten too hot for the dogs and L. So, we turn it on, and the a/c leaks into the vent in our downstairs bathroom making the floor wet and slippery and the ceiling wet (please, oh please, do not let it collapse on my head when I am peeing). I have been keeping the a/c off as much as possible and opening the windows at night but just as a warning to those of you who may actually see me or talk to me on the phone.....I am hot, sweaty, puffy and pissed.

Weekend in Review

2009-06-01T09:03:00.002-05:00

Saturday we had a lovely time at the zoo (read: no one got lost). We wandered around for a bit, then we were joined by a friend and her daughter for picnic lunch and some playtime at the "beach". The zoo installed a little beach/sand area and a little "river" which is deep enough for the kids to frolic in, but not deep enough to make me terrified they are going to drown.

We spent a lazy Sunday hanging around.

This weekend we also watched alot of movies - Zack and Miri Make a Porno (hilarious), Taken (really good), Bolt (like a million times and still going), and Twilight (damn you young adult fiction - first Harry Potter, now Twilight has sucked me in - off to the Library to borrow the whole series).

Post-Partum things that SUCK!!!

2009-05-28T18:36:00.002-05:00

I love being pregnant, I love having babies - even birth is okay, but there are several things about the post-partum period that SUCK:

1) hair loss - I have very thick, waist-length hair, so when it starts falling out after all the lovely preggo hormones leave I loose alot of hair. I swear it looks like I am sacrificing little auburn guinea pigs in my trash can.

2) sleep deprivation I can handle with aplomb, but this stinking insomnia is a different story.

3) weight gain - yes, I am one of those rare weird people who loose weight when pregnant and put tons on when I nurse.

4) deciding when to blame said weight gain on the baby and own up to the fact that maybe I am just a little more chubby than usual lately.

That's all for now.

Sea World and the fright of my life

2009-05-24T20:44:00.002-05:00

Today we decided to venture to Sea World to play in the kiddy water park and see the Dolphin/Beluga Whale/Acrobat show. It was freakin' crowded...not unexpected as it is Memorial Day weekend, but we went early so expected it to be only moderately crowded - Wrong!

We first headed the the water area as the dolphin petting section was beyond crowded. P-Daddy and the kids entered the play area while L and I stayed outside (she was sleeping). They were having a ton of fun until I noticed C was wandering around by herself and looked confused so I motioned to P-Daddy who was simultaneously motioning to me. I thought he had lost sight of C so I pointed her out to him. Then he looked around, gathered up S and C and came over to me, when I casually asked him "where's X?" His response "with you?". OH SHIT...turns out he was motioning to me to tell me X was coming over to me because he needed to pee. When he turned back after motioning to me, X was gone and he assumed he had come to me. P-Daddy raced off to look for X in the water area with no luck. He came back to see if he was with me at which point I took off yelling his name which was bloody pointless...not a single person stopped to ask what was wrong, or indicate whether they had seen him or not. No one even paid attention to me. I made a circle around the play area and then the panic set in; awful images of the police coming to my door in a few days to tell me they had found his body. As I was about to race back to P-Daddy and the kids to grab a phone and call 911 through an opening in the crowd I spotted a pale-as-can-be shirtless blond kid wandering around looking terrified. I raced to him and swept him up in my arms and went racing to P-Daddy who was so nervous that I don't think he noticed X in my arms because he kept saying "I don't see him, I don't see him" until I actually had to point him out in my arms. Turns out he needed to go to the bathroom. Needless to say he got an extremely stern talking too fueled by utter horror on our part.

We then sat down for a snack (stress eating) and went to the Viva! show which was really cool and involved dolphins, beluga whales and high diving acrobats. Then we headed over to the sharks for a quick peek, then back to the car and out for pizza (I will not rant about the false advertising about coupons and kids eat for free at a certain establishment near my house other than to say we will never frequent this establishment again).

Home for the most glorious activity of all - a 2hr nap with R-dog and R-cat while P-Daddy made noodles and sauce with veggie meatballs. Yummy!

Hopefully I can sleep without nightmares tonight.

The Playroom

2009-05-23T13:49:00.002-05:00

We brought some things back from Kansas which we didn't originally have room for in the move. One of the things the kids were really excited about were the play tents that G-Ma and Auntie-M had each purchased for them. Yesterday, I tried to set them up in the big open room (which is supposed to be a dining room living room combo thingy, but with no furniture it is now just a wide open space). Well the poles were all bent, so I was only able to set up one teepee and one firestation along with two tunnels, much to the kids', cats' and dogs' excitement.

My other project this weekend is consolidating the boys into one room and turning S's room into a playroom. Back in KS, the boys shared a room and we had C's things in another room which we also used as a playroom. When we moved to TX, the boys wanted their own rooms with their own decor and themes and opted out of having a playroom. Fast forward almost six months and the boys are begging to be back in one room and to have a playroom - this suits my purpose because having toys scattered around the house is driving me insane. The boys also independently decided that half the room would be decorated in cowboys and the other in dinos so they both could be happy. This also works because eventually C and L will have to share a room and the boys can model cooperation for the girls. Now I just have to decide whether I am going to capitulate on the request for bunkbeds. It doesn't really matter because everyone ends up in bed with us every night anyway, so it would be more for P-Daddy's or my comfort as we usually end up in one of the kid's beds when it just gets too crowded in ours (or R-Dog stealthily tries to sneak a spot on the bed).

Our Vacation - the Pictorial Version

2009-05-21T14:16:00.020-05:00

A view of our vacation. For details see P-Daddy's post as linked in the message below.

R-dog took umbrage to being relegated to the back with Lady Barfsalot (aka B-dog), so he crawled forward and snuggled up to C. I took this shot while barreling down I-35 at 80 mph so excuse the crappy composition.

P-Daddy checking out the damage to the XL-7

Russel to the Rescue!!

The kids hanging out in the gas/service station in Waco.

C, L, R-dog, B-dog and I had to sleep in our seats because the van was packed full. P-Daddy and the boys were able to lay the front seats backs and huddle up together. I am not sure how S and X ended up as a human pretzel, but hey, at least they slept for a few hours.

W-dog was so excited to see us and B-dog....still wants to kill R-dog so we had to keep them separated.

KY's baby shower

The kids hanging out at G-Ma's

Dr. C, P-Daddy, BZ and SZ (MZ's parents) at lunch

AZ and MZ at lunch

P-Daddy outside the Lied Center on the way to the hooding

We got to the hooding 15mins after the doors opened and the main seating was already full, so we had to sit in the balcony. I had the camera on full zoom, so please excuse the quality. P-Daddy being hooded my Dr. C

P-Daddy and MZ outside of Lippincott Hall waiting to Walk Down the Hill

L chilling on G-Ma's bed, which we had just moved into the master bedroom for her. She turned 3 months old on the day this picture was taken.

Not really what I had in mind when I brought the cage back with us from Kansas, but at least O isn't showing his displeasure at being left behind like R-cat is....cats can be very vindictive sometimes.

Back from "vacation"

2009-05-21T10:19:00.001-05:00

I promise I will write more and post pictures later, but S is running a fever and L is uber fussy. If you want to read P-Daddy's take on the whole thing, check out his post.

Let the vacation recovery continue.....

Random pics of a precious baby

2009-05-11T14:38:00.002-05:00

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T19:59:00.007-05:00

I was raised to view Mother's Day (and Father's Day and Valentine's Day) as fake, Hallmark holidays and we never did anything for them, and barely even acknowledged their existence.

Well, now that I have kids, I see that the Day is actually more for them (at their age) so we have a little ritual: P-Daddy and the kiddos make me breakfast and serve it to me in bed. At this point in time it is just cereal with yogurt and coffee. I am fully expecting pancakes or waffles swimming in syrup, fresh squeezed citrus juice and gourmet lattes by time the kids are older.

C took the whole "serving Mommy thing a little too literally and started spoon feeding me my treat. The we all loaded up and went to the grocery store, and the library. I picked up the 2004 version of A Well-Trained Mind so I can make sure I have all my bases covered while planning the kids' homeschool curriculum...I have previously read the 1999 edition and the 2009 edition has not hit my local library yet (I might just end up buying it). I also got a book called The Expected. I think it will be similar to The Da Vinci Code, but dealing much more in depth with Mary Magdalene. Well, at least the review I read in the Chinaberry catalog sounded good. I also have The Commoner (another Chinaberry recommendation but not on their site anymore) waiting to be read.

Then home for some rest, dinner and a phone call with MFF back in Lawrence planning a post doctoral hooding party for P-Daddy, MZ and her this Saturday. Now it is off to bed to watch Chronicles of Riddick with P-Daddy.....who posted the most beautiful Mother's Day post on his blog. I caught a real winner when I snagged him.

Saturday Fun Day

2009-05-10T19:56:00.005-05:00

Today we attended the going away party for a fellow AP family - they are moving to Kansas City as chance would have it. Everyone had a great time playing in the pool and in the coolest Star Wars bedroom ever (as I am assured by P-Daddy and the boys). It was nice to catch up with some of our new friends. I do have pictures but I want to get permission from the host of the party before I put them up because they have other children in them, so stay tuned.

P-Daddy and I were going to watch a movie, but everyone was so riled up that it took forever to get them to sleep and we just crashed after.

Okay, here are a few pics we took (I didn't realize P-Daddy had taken these when I first posted).

The Famed Star Wars room and S's reaction to it. By the blurriness you can tell P-Daddy was quivering with excitement too.

C enjoying the sandbox

....and the tire swing

X in the pool

Shazam it's hot!!

2009-05-09T11:39:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I am not supposed to swear, hence the Shazam, but serious it is the beginning of May and it has already hit 102 degrees. What the heehaw have we gotten ourselves into? I'm Canadian of European decent, for Crisco's sake...I am not, I repeat not, meant to be in this heat. I am pale, have auburn hair and freckles, I hate the sun...not a good combo for living in Texas.

Garden update

2009-05-08T10:24:00.011-05:00

Well, the dizziness subsided enough for me to transplant some aloe plants we had been given. The kids and dogs helped me out, and even offered up one of their Lego boxes when I ran out of containers - of course, they then took ownership of the little aloe plants in it.

This is the whole group, along with S's stick garden

We have (as the kids have christened them) 1 "Adult", 2 "Teenagers", 4 "Kids" and 1 "Baby" who is inside in water being watched over by S.

Here is a close-up of the Teens

Close-up of the Adult with X adding visual perspective

This is what the garden looks like now

Our hugelkulture pile with cantaloupes growing out of it. I am going to throw some acron squash seeds into it and see what happens....adventures in gardening.

Blossom enjoying the sun

Ranger guarding the garden

Gardening is Fun!!!

2009-05-07T18:54:00.002-05:00

Dear Followers and other people who accidentally get to my blog - my vertigo is acting up really badly and being on the computer is painful, so no blogging until I get this under control.

Sunday's list - a little late

2009-05-05T20:34:00.005-05:00

Today was capoeira day so that was the main event. Not much else went down so I am going to do my neglected Sunday List today.

Household Items I Want Because They Would Make My Life Easier:

1) Chest Freezer - any would do. Buying in bulk would be more efficient and I could do bulk cooking. I used to do a week's worth of cooking on Sunday's but I don't have the fridge/freezer space here.
2) Haan Floor Cleaner - I have white floors and white tiles and I can never get them clean enough for my taste.
3) Bissel Little Green - 4 kids, 4 pets - no other explanation needed.
4) Wine Cooler - at least 20 bottle capacity. Okay, my life wouldn't be easier, but P-Daddy would be hugely excited and I would get to drink more wine.
5) Furniture for each of the kids' rooms. I would particularly love bookshelves and toy chest. Right now their mattresses are on the floor and the only bureau to survive the moving van crash is in S's room with everyone's stuff in it.
6) Furniture for the rest of the house. Sure the kids would hate not having the big open room to run around in, but dining room/living room furniture would be nice.
7) one of those converter boxes that lets you watch movies from your computer/Netflix Direct on the television. We could probably get rid of cable then.
8) a much bigger Crock Pot. I have mine running almost every day making meals, yogurt, cottage cheese, paneer, etc.
9) individual school desks for the kids - they just think doing school at desks would be cool. But, I think a dining room table would be more practical.
10) a new dishwasher - how DO my dishes end up dirtier than when they went in. It is a mystery.

Editing - I totally forgot my ultimate wish - a fully equipped Kitchen-Aid mixer with lots of attachments. Ah, the dream.....in blue or yellow.

Weekend in Review

2009-05-05T20:18:00.005-05:00

We had a busy weekend...hence the late post, and the short write-up.

P-Daddy went to work on Friday, so the kids and I spent a quiet-ish day going about our business. Saturday was our Big Event Day - AC, RR and SRC held a playdate for some of the co-workers from P-Daddy's work. I headed out early in the morning to get fruit, cheese, and eggs as our contribution to the yummies. We headed over and spent the afternoon and evening have fun and food. The kids crashed hard when we got home, but we will have all their new friends over (and many other people) when we host a "Welcome Babies" party on June 13th for the 4 babies who recently or are about to be born to people at the SFBR (including L).

Sunday we headed to Costco for a small stock up. Of course, the stupid van dies in the parking lot, leaving us all stranded in the heat and humidity. We trekked to the Wal-Mart (which was thankfully close) to buy a new battery, then trekked back. Unfortunately, the bolt that holds the battery in was so rusted we couldn't move it, and had no idea what we were going to do. Luckily, and nice man and his wife stopped with a fully stocked tool cabinet in the back of their truck and took the bolt out for us. Van runs like a charm now. P-Daddy and Spencer went out for their special day (early dinner at McD's) and we rented House Bunny - it was perfect for the end of a busy, sometimes trying, weekend.

Monday P-Daddy headed to work and we headed to the South east side of town to pick up Aloe plants from a fellow AP mom. S was so excited because one of them was a "baby" that he has named Plantie and once it is transplanted into a pot, will take up residence in his room. Seeing as we spent so much time in the parking lot of Costco on Sunday, I wasn't able to go grocery shopping so that is what I did.

Oh, the excitement.

The Siren Call of Redbox

2009-04-30T20:56:00.004-05:00

The day dawned, and that's about all I'm going to say about that. Okay, okay...we skipped exercising. P-Daddy is still under the weather and after we came downstairs around 6am we decided to forgo working out until he feels better or Saturday, whichever comes first. So, we laid down on the couches and the 3 of us slept in for a few more hours (P-Daddy, L and I). P-Daddy decided to stay home and the kids were really good about pretending he wasn't here so he could get work done. As a treat I decided to go out and get Subway. Unfortunately so did every labourer in my area so I spent a long time standing in line with all the gardeners, construction workers, electricians, plumbers and roofing guys in my area. Finally got the three sandwiches and decided to check out the offerings in the Redbox - our nearest subway is in a gas station so that is why there is a Redbox there.

P-Daddy has been wanting to see Notorious, and they had it in so I grabbed it as a surprise. When I got home the kids (and P-Daddy who kept surreptiously turning around to look at it while ostensibly typing on the computer) were engrossed in a Jericho marathon. Spent the afternoon chilling and getting alot of housework done. Maybe P-Daddy should work from home more often because eventhough he doesn't get as much accomplished, I do.

The milk had finished fermenting so I went about making cottage cheese. I tried a new method - the Crock Pot - and it worked even better than my double boiler norm. L hasn't been feeling well, so I spent alot of time nursing her and cuddling. She also got some good naps in (which is harder than you think with three older siblings) and I think she will soon feel better. She just has a bit of a stuffy nose, but it makes breathing difficult because even with all that mucus she still breathes through her nose.

After dinner watched the movie, took a bath but C joined me so it wasn't long or relaxing. Kids went to sleep (so did P-Daddy) and I watched a little telly with L, then called it a night after reading another chapter in my book.

Wet Wednesday

2009-04-29T19:57:00.003-05:00

I don't have much to post for gardening. The garden has loved the rain we are getting and we have loads of things sprouting up. The back yard is a giant mud puddle so the floors and carpets are a disgusting shade of brown. Phil came home to work again today and he is not feeling good (nothing to do with pigs, I assure you), and the kids seem to be under the weather too (not sick, just blah). Cleaned, looked up Latin curricula online (yup, I will teach them Latin) - it is somewhat hard to find secular Latin curricula. Most are religion-based and use ecclesiastical spelling/pronunciation. I found some that can be used for young kids, and some for older. I think I will use the Minimus program for when they are little and then either flow into the Cambridge Press program and/or Lively Latinn. Go ahead, say it "Classical Geek". Yes, and damn proud of it.

Made dinner, went for a walk (we skipped the exercise this am), L was having trouble breathing because of her stuffy nose so I took care of that. Let the kids watch a movie called Hoodwinked , but C fell asleep 10mins into it. S and X liked it and then went to sleep after some milk and cuddle time. Now I am off to watch Grace is Gone in bed with P-Daddy.

Stranded at Wich Wich

2009-04-28T16:18:00.013-05:00

Monday was pretty much a bust of a day. I had a killer headache so we pretty much sat around and pissed the day away. I also felt like a horrible, unobservant mother because I think I have finally figured out why X gets all emotional and uncontrollable, loses his coordination, gets confused and has problems with his speech sometimes - hypoglycemia. I was watching Mystery Diagnosis last night and a toddler had it and I just kept checking off symptoms as they listed them. The kicker and why I feel like such an idiot - I have really bad hypoglycemia!!!! I spent large portions of my late teenage and 20s years (my parents never believed me when I was a child/young teen and said I was faking it) at the endocrinologist being weighed, poked, having blood sucked out, fasting, etc. However, my symptoms are different than his - I get shaky, dizzy, my vision and hearing tunnel and then I black out. Fun shit!!! So, on Monday night right before bed, X had a massive tantrum and P-Daddy brings him up to his room where he continues to freak. P asks for an apple and some cheese to test the hypoglycemia theory. It was incredible. P said that as soon as the food hit his stomach, his body relaxed, his temper cooled down, his eyes cleared up and his speech became intelligible again. I have been pretty bad lately about my diet lately, but I am going to put both of us on a specific hypoglycemic diet and see if that helps. The difference in him is night-and-day with even just the little we have done. Going to make shopping harder but hey, he's my baby.

On to Tuesday. The boys sleep in late which is frustrating because we need to leave the house by 9:30am to get to Capoeira class on time. They finally rouse at 8:45am and I super ninja mom feed, wash, dress and load all of us into the car in record time. X loves his class, and S was pretty understanding about the class being just for X. I got to spend some time talking with other moms about homeschooling (especially teaching Latin - I took 2 years of it in high school) and knitting.
Here is a video of his class - he is the one in the tye dye shirt doing the freestyle dancing.

As we were leaving, AC called and asked if we wanted to head over there for a playdate, eventhough we were looking after SRC that night (so AC and RR could do their labour/delivery hospital tour). I offered to get sandwiches from a shop I have been wanting to try. Got the sammies, got back in the car, and ..... nothing but the ominous click, click, click of a starter that won't turn over. Called P-Daddy (thank god we got cell phones) and he was going to head home anyway as his computer at work died so he borrowed booster cables from RR (they work together) and came to our rescue. We headed to ACs and he headed home. The kids ran wild, we came home for a bit, the SRC came over and all chaos broke out. It was hilarious!!!! They left at about 9pm and we headed to bed after getting the troops calmed down.

Here is a video of what our evening was like. Please excuse the end where I accidentally turn the camera straight up my nose - the dog knocked me.

Songs that Break My Heart

2009-04-26T16:29:00.012-05:00

I've decided as a fun little thing to do, every Sunday I will (try) to come up with a List. This inaugural list is of songs that break my heart. Doesn't necessarily mean they are sad or about love and loss, there is just something about them that makes me melancholy, verklempt, nostalgic. So, in no order....

1) Mad World - Michael Andrews. This is from Donnie Darko, not the original Tears For Fears version which I find just too bouncy...the juxtaposition of the lyrics and the beat throw me off. In this version you can hear the pain behind the lyrics, the disenfranchisement, the sense of nothingness.

2) Hurt - Johnny Cash. Shit, this is almost painful to listen to. Knowing the story of Cash's life makes Trent Reznor's words just beautiful and agonizing. Don't try to watch the video if you are depressed. And, as much as I adore Trent Reznor (and I do) his version doesn't make the hair all over my body stand up.

3) Baby Mine - Yes, this is from Dumbo, but it has always made me cry. Damn Disney and his mother issues!!!

4) Slipping Through my Fingers - ABBA. I'm not sure this would have made any sense to me before I had kids, and especially daughters, but now the words and sentiments behind it make me weep at the thought that some day my babies aren't going to need me.

5) Fire and Rain - James Taylor. It makes me hurt for my husband and in-laws.

6) Red Guitar - David Sylvian. This is one of those "moment in time" songs. Every morning my brother and I would load into his car to make the drive from the South Shore to Downtown Montreal to go to our private schools. We always got stuck in traffic on the Champlain Bridge. To me this song is my 17 year old brother in the driver's seat, window rolled down, hair blowing in the breeze coming off the St. Lawrence River. Despite everything he has accomplished and done since those long-ago days, this is the image that pops into my head when I am asked to describe him. Shit, now I'm crying.

7) The Theme song from Star Trek the Next Generation - don't ask, I don't understand it either, but whenever I watched this show the opening always left me a little misty. I think it is something tonal in the actual piece of music.

8) Killing Me Softly - Roberta Flack. How can you not understand this one? Obviously she was feeling some very heavy emotions.

9) I Don't Want to Talk About It - Rod Stewart. Yup, I have a soft spot for Mr. Stewart who saw me through my biggest break up.

10) I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt. I am in love with the rough, smokey quality in Bonnie Raitt's voice, but I love the way it smooths out here. Also, she tapped into the way I felt about someone in University. Thank god for Maturity and Mr. Right (a.k.a P-Daddy).

11) I Will Follow You into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie. I always imagine P-Daddy and I as really old people when I hear this song, and it makes me sad to think about one of us leaving the other one behind. Love isn't painful, but full of joy. The thought of losing love is what hurts. Bloody Hell, I'm misting up again...I'm blaming it on the onions I was just chopping this time. I never cry in real life - I seem to reserve it for commercials and music.

12) How Soon is Now? - The Smiths. Oh come on! I was a teenager in Montreal in the 80s and 90s. You knew I was going to have this song on. It is a plea that shot straight to my soul...I didn't feel loveable, but I still wanted to be loved. Oh yeah, did I mention I had issues.

13) Ordinary World - Duran Duran. This is just a beautiful song about the loss of popularity and youth and how to relearn how to live. Reminds me of my youth and reminds me that I too am getting older.

14) The Mission - Ennio Morricone. The tonal quality of this piece is so moving, and gets me every time.

15) Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton. I can't understand how anyone survives the death of a child, especially in such a horrible accident. I would spend the rest of my life wondering what my child was thinking as he was falling, if he thought about me at the end, if he felt much pain, and worst of all, if he knew what was about to happen. Even before I actually was a parent this song just killed me.

16) Landslide - Fleetwood Mac. This is another one about getting older and remembering youth. Jesus Christ, I'm really not that old, maybe I am just nostalgic.

17) Superstar - The Carpenters. Okay, so this one is really personal. This song makes me sad for the loss of such a brilliant talent, and it makes me sad for the years I spent destroying my body in the same way - at least I didn't die. The song itself is sad because it is about loving someone who has lied to you and left you. Luckily I have never experienced it, and never wanted to be a groupie so I can't personally relate to the song. (the song is about a fan who has had an affair with a superstar and still believed that they will be coming back for them).

18) O Mia Babbino Caro - Puccini. Otherwise known as the song in every Merchant Ivory film...makes me long for places I have never been in times that will never be again. I am so going to add Room With a View to the Netflix queue. The lyrics are about a girl expressing to her father how much she loves a boy and the lengths she will would go to to be with him.

19) Grace of God Go I - Flogging Molly. It's just sad but true - our lives are destined and shaped by chance; pick one path and you change the course of your travels through life and you lose everything that you would have had if you had picked the other path. One path could contain joy and love while the other pain and sorrow. It is just chance, grace, kizmet which path you choose.

20) One More For my Baby - Frank Sinatra. I have always loved this song and the story it tells about the "end of a brief episode" and how you can tell that it was much more to him. However, now it has much more meaning to me as it was the song playing on the Ipod when Lorelei was born.

21) Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin. "There's a lady who's sure that everything that glitters is gold". Took me a long time to realize that money doesn't buy or assure happiness and I regret all the years I literally spent trying to buy joy and love.

22) Paint it Black - Eric Burdon. I like his cover of the Stones song. It is another moment in time thing - Jen Abe and I and Tour of Duty a Vietnam show from the 80s. This song is forever associated with war for me. Besides which, I love Eric Burdon and think he is very under appreciated. I couldn't find a link to his studio recording of the song which is waaaaaaayyyyyy better.

23) Fade Into You - Mazzy Star. Let's all pause for our 90s emo moment and our desire to totally be consumed and consume someone.

24) In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel. Do I even have to tell you what moment I associate this with? Lloyd Dobler!!! As a young girl all I wanted was the grand gesture of a guy standing outside my window blasting this tune at me. Then as I got older I lost the desire for grand gestures - they don't keep you warm at night, rub your aching feet nor act as your anchor when you are adrift in a sea of pain and doubt. Lloyd was a brilliant dream, but I prefer a real man. Still, Lloyd has a special place in my heart and always will.

25) This Woman's Work - Kate Bush. Equally beautiful is the Maxwell version, but I am a big Kate Bush fan so my heart stays true to her.

Sunday, Meat Day

2009-04-26T12:54:00.004-05:00

For those of you who don't know I was a very strict vegetarian for 15 years - you know, the kind where I wouldn't eat something if a utensil that had touched meat then touched my food. A few weeks before I had X in 2004 I got my one and only graving (yes, throughout all 4 pregnancies I have only had 1 craving) and it was for prosciutto. So we started adding a little meat back into our diets. Then, it became a crutch - it is alot easier to slap some cold cuts onto a bun than to come up with creative lunches, and it opens up a vast new array of fast food opportunities. I have never really liked the taste or texture of meat (I only ever ate chicken, beef and pork) and still have some issues with the taste of chicken and the texture of beef. I have been moving us back to being vegetarian for health, budgetary and psychological reasons (you try explaining to a very sensitive child that pigs don't make the bacon, they are the bacon and you will understand). So, now we only eat meat on Sundays, and I think I may just forgo it all together again.

We were up alot last night because L was still having a rough time with her allergies. We got up and started our 2-mile Leslie Sansone walk. Yikes I thought the 1-mile was bum-busting but this one really works it. Keep smiling, keep smiling, keep smiling. The boys joined us again but lost interest really quickly when they realized the kicks weren't karate kicks.

For b-fast I make bacon and eggs - fuel for the mega clean-up I had planned for the day. I had a picture of this, but P-Daddy accidentally took the camera to work with him instead of his phone (okay, you caught me, I write these the next morning, so I am actually doing this on Monday). We made the mistake of letting the kids watch television in an effort to keep them out of the way while we cleaned, but it backfired and they got really over-hyped and crazy. I tend to limit the amount of tv they watch - a few shows in the morning which have educational value, then once a week they each get to pick a movie, and maybe a learning video. Got on with the cleaning, made yogurt, made dinner (Filet Mignon with Italian gravy, diced bacon potatoes, and asparagus - filet is the only beef I will eat). Exacerbated the kid craziness by letting them watch The Mask so ended up staying up until 11pm trying to get everyone to sleep...might explain why P-Daddy mistook the camera for his phone.

Books, Food, Good Mood - Learning how to put words together

2009-04-25T21:58:00.003-05:00

Late last night S started having trouble breathing and he kept gagging on all the mucous going into his throat - stupid allergies - so I gave him a dose of allergy medicine. We woke up the next morning and he was still stuffy and so were C and L. Despite this, S and X joined us for our morning exercise routine.

The kids love the library and I had some books to return, so we packed up and headed to our nearest branch. I also had a book waiting for me so I picked that up, each of the kids got 2 books, P-Daddy and I each got a fiction book and I picked up a copy of The Story of the World, vol 1 - Ancients to preview and see if I wanted to use this to read history to the kids. I am very interested in a history curriculum called History Odyssey by Pandia Press which uses Story of the World as a required resource. So, I need to decide if I want to use the History Odyssey or SOTW as a stand alone.

I also picked up another book to read to the kids. It is called What the World Eats . Amazon review from Publishers weekly said "Adapted from last year's Hungry Planet, this brilliantly executed work visits 25 families in 21 countries around the world. Each family is photographed surrounded by a week's worth of food and groceries, which Menzel and D'Aluisio use as a way of investigating not only different cultures' diets and standard of living but also the impact of globalization: why doesn't abundance bring better health, instead of increased occurrences of diabetes and similar diseases? These points are made lightly: delivered almost conversationally, the main narrative presents friendly, multigenerational portraits of each family, with meals and food preparation an avenue toward understanding their hopes and struggles. A wealth of supporting information—lush color photographs, family recipes, maps, sidebars, etc.—surrounds the text (superb design accomplishes this job harmoniously) and implies questions about global food supplies. Pictures of subsistence farmers in Ecuador cultivating potatoes from mountainous soil form sharp contrasts with those of supermarkets in a newly Westernized Poland. Fact boxes for each country tabulate revealing statistics, among them the percentage of the population living on less than $2 per day (47% in China, where the average daily caloric intake is nonetheless 2,930 per person); the percentage with diabetes; number of KFC franchises. Engrossing and certain to stimulate." Thought it might be good to show the kids how other children live and eat in the world.

Keeping with the food theme, we decided to try a local chain called El Pollo Loco for a snack before heading home. I made lunch then headed to the grocery store. It is my goal to keep our food budget at or below $75 per week, which includes all b-fasts, lunches and dinner. We also spend about $200 a month at Costco buying cleaning supplies, pet supplies, and bulk items, so our grand budget for food, pet food, and cleaning supplies is about $500 per month. This also includes 1 bottle of wine per week and 2 bottles of beer per week. We only eat meat once per week, Sunday, so that reduces cost and we rarely eat out. I make almost all of our food, including yogurt, cottage cheese, baked goods, granola, etc.

As you may have noticed from my title, S is getting better at finding "blends" in words - like two Os put together says ooooooooo.

We tried to watch Will Smith's movie, Seven Pounds, but neither of us was in the mood for it, and had no idea what was going on anyway.

All-in-all a pretty quiet Saturday.

Peace.

TGI Phriday

2009-04-24T20:07:00.004-05:00

San Antonio hosts a large 10-day long Fiesta every year. Today was the Battle of the Flowers Parade and it is such a huge event, P-Daddy got the day off work. No, we didn't brave the parade with 4 small munchkins, but watched it on television. Other than that, we had a good day of cleaning, catching up on things, etc.

Made dinner, went for a walk, and then watched Mamma Mia! I saw this movie in the theatre but forced P-Daddy to watch it. He is part Swedish, so is genetically predestined to love ABBA.

It was nice having P-Daddy home on a Friday and the kids were really excited. I sent them out on a worm hunt to see if our escapees were hiding under the small hugelkultur pile we have started...idea shamelessly stolen from Suzanne at Sweep Gentle. Need to get this book (Gaia's Garden: A Guide to Home-Scale Permaculture) I've seen mentioned.

Stupid Dishwasher - The Flood of '09

2009-04-23T21:25:00.002-05:00

Morning routine was, well, pretty routine...woke up, nursed L, worked out, drank coffee, made b-fast, packed P-Daddy's lunch, kissed him goodbye and sent him off to work. After he left, I decided to pack the b-fast dishes into the washer and run it, while at the same time doing the sink full of dishes I neglected the night before. All of a sudden, I felt something wet on my feet and thought to myself "wow, I must have splashed alot of water out of the sink", but the rest of me wasn't wet. It took my nursing-brain a good thirty seconds to realize that I had not, in fact, peed myself and was now standing in it it, but rather the dishwasher had overflowed and the entire kitchen floor was filling up with boiling hot water...at which point I also realized my feet were very warm, burning, in fact. So after sending the kids screaming upstairs to grab whatever towels they could grab, and grabbing a set of sheets out of the laundry basket that was still waiting to go upstairs (score one for laziness and procrastination) I got the mess cleaned up and spent the morning emptying, refilling, rerunning, remopping, plunging and finally using copious amounts of vinegar and baking soda before winning the Battle of the Flood, and defeating the evil dishwasher (which is pointless anyways as dishes coming out dirtier than they went in, so I essentially use it just to sanitize).

By this time it was 1pm and we had a late lunch - cheese, crackers and apples for the kiddos and a big bowl of edamame for me. I love edamame. There is something almost zen-like about popping the beans out of the salted little pods. We had a pretty quite afternoon. The kids were part of a preschool homeschool activity bag swap back in February, but I wasn't able to go as I had just given birth 2 days prior. A friend went to get all my bags for me and dropped them off yesterday, so the kids had a grand time looking through them and playing a ring toss game that was included - pretty simple but provided alot of fun - 3 bottles are filled with rice and placed and various distances. Then, 7 rings made out of pipecleaners are tossed onto the bottles.

I still couldn't see any worms in the bin, so I decided, when P-Daddy came home at 5pm, to dump out the compost and sift through the whole gross mess (properly gloved, naturelment)...no worms dead or alive. Looks like they may have escaped (read:run away) when I moved the bin into full sun next to the garden and it got too hot. Now I need to start all over, but I have done more reading on vermiculture and vermicomposting so I am more prepared to be a worm mom (yes, I anthropomorphize everything so I am taking this abandonment personally - I envision a giant mass of worms stealthily checking out the neighbour's yard and wondering if they have Skittles and pie, much like my human kids do).

P-Daddy suggested to me as I lay in my sobbing, fetal position cradling the composter, that maybe we should go get Pizza at a local place (Double Dave's) that has an outdoor patio with playground, so I can take it easy. It was good, but next time we will go for the buffet, which I found out after I ordered and paid, would have been cheaper because 1 child 5 and under gets to eat free with each paying adult. Oh well, live and learn. Come home, L and I go for our walk, and by time I get home the kids are bathed and ready for bed, so we all sit quietly together until C falls asleep and I decide to take a relaxing bath and read more of my homeschooling catalog (can you guess where my vote on the homeshcool issue is leaning?). Then, off to bed.

I promise more pictures in the blog, but P-Daddy keeps taking the camera - I forgive him because he is just so darn lovable.

Words, Wine, and Dreams

2009-04-22T23:21:00.010-05:00

Woke up, worked out, and got on with the simple things in life. We decided to stay home and rest today. The kids were expecting their new video from Netflix and we eagerly checked the mail at 2:30pm, 3:30pm and then had P-Daddy check on his way home. The mail is always here by 3:00pm so it would figure the one day the kids were excited about something coming in the mail, they would have to wait. S has been very resistant to learning his alphabet visually - he has known all the letters since he was very small, but for some reason had a mental block about what each letter looked like. I was getting extremely frustrated, and on the recommendation of some other moms looked up and rented Leap Frog's Letter Factory DVD. It is AWESOME!! Within two views something clicked with S and he now recognizes all his letter and their sounds. He is suddenly also really into doing handwriting practice so I have found a colouring/alphabet tracing dinosaur book online and print some off for him every day. He has surprisingly good penmanship for someone his age and is an exacting colorist who uses subtle shading and colour pairings. Well, today was the day that Leap Frog Talking Word Factory was coming and they were excited about learning how to put words together. X already knew most of his letters but was very sensitive to S's refusal to visually learn them so pretended he didn't. Now he is free to spot all the letters he wants. After one viewing of the Word Factory DVD tonight, S is already spelling short 3-letter words like PIG and LET. Looks like I may have to start reading and handwriting programs sooner than I thought.

The kids weren't the only ones excited about a movie coming - P-Daddy and I settled down with the movie Bottle Shock last night - story of the 1976 taste testing in which California wines beat out French wines and brought the Napa Valley wines to the worldwine arena. I grew up in a wine culture so love anything to do with it. I even turned P-Daddy into a wine snob. One of the part-time opportunities I am considering is becoming a direct wine marketer. Might be fun.

I had the strangest dream last night. I have no idea what it means or represents, but hey, here it is. I am on the phone with C who tells me she is bringing her new love home for Thanksgiving. But, the catch is he is a Rasta. So, I am being all cool on the phone and telling her we are down with it, and just to let me know what he would like to eat. But, the whole time I am freaking out wondering what the hell I am going to serve because now on top of serving X's Indian/Jain g-friend vegan food, I need to come up with raw foods for a Rasta. However, subconsciously I am screaming out that this has to be a dream because no way would I be this cool with my baby becoming a Rasta, because let's face it, there is nothing more posseur than a blond-haired, blue-eyed white chick with dreads subscribing to a religion with roots in a history based in Africa and on the politics of slavery. And the last thing I need is to be imaging my C-girl as a ganja queen.

Maybe I am way more screwed up than even I think.

And yes, I am one of those white people who loves Bob Marley, not because of the herbs but because of his politics and impact. P-Daddy says I need to link to Stuff White People Like (see #125) or this reference might come off as weird. Hey, the authour is a fellow McGill alumn so I have to give him his due.

My First Gardening Post

2009-04-22T15:37:00.010-05:00

Seems somewhat prophetic that my first garden post is on Earth Day.

Phil decided that he would garden as his hobby. So, after much research we decided to do some square foot gardens, and some container gardening. We rent our house here in San Antonio because we still own our home in Lawrence with G-Ma and some roommates living in it - why we didn't garden back there, I am not sure. We also want to put some plants out front, but in movable containers.

So, the saga begins. P-Daddy decided to build his 1st square foot garden out of cinder blocks so we maximize the space - plant inside the cinder block holes as well as within the garden. He planted carrots, cucumbers, radishes, cantaloupe, watermelon, lettuce and pumpkins. He and the kids deeply enjoyed rooting around in soil while L and I looked on. I can tend to be a little bossy and take things over, but I promised to just be a bystander on this gardening thing - um, yeah, right. So, everyday the kids and I water and tend to the garden while P-Daddy is at work, then he comes home and tends to the plants.

Being an eco-loving family I have always wanted to compost our kitchen waste, but never got around to it. Some of my fellow San Antonio API / Gardeners have these wonderful worm composters so we decided to give it a go. I traded some homemade cottage cheese and yogurt for 500 worms, built the composter and have let them go to town. I am a little worried that the maggots (from soldier flies - see post below) may have taken over and all the worms may have died because all I can see in the composter is the maggots. The worms make actual usable compost, but the maggots still get rid of the waste so either way we are good, but I am kind of attached to the worms so I hope they are okay.

We have also started a compost pile where we stack all the twigs and leaves from the yard, let it settle then stir it up. Supposedly great in setting up garden beds and the worms love it.

I have chicken envy. Several of the families I know raise them because it is legal in SA to have a few. Apparently if you handle them from chick-hood they are not mean. Besides which, there is just something so Earth Mother about being able to send the kids into the yard to get fresh eggs. Maybe I will call the HOA and see if they have some regs against it.

Next, we want to surround the patio with cinder blocks and grow herbs and flowers in them. Then add some containers with citrus trees to the patio, and maybe a Topsy Turvy tomato grower also. Also, add some more gardens as finances allow.

Here are a few pictures of the yard just to get a sense of what we have to work with. We have little or no grass and lots of shade.

Crazy Tuesday

2009-04-22T10:09:00.003-05:00

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Yikes, I am sore this morning, but we plow ahead and do our exercise video at 6:00am. After this, I need to swig back a gallon of coffee. Today X is going to a trial Capoeira class recommended by N, one of my fellow API SA moms. We eat a light breakfast and start getting ready to drive across town to the gym. Getting ready with 4 kids requires me to start about an hour before we need to leave because, invariably, L wants to nurse, someone else needs to hit the potty before we go, I need to secure all the toys and otherwise edible things from the marauding hordes of pets,and then the actual process of loading into the mini van takes a good 15 minutes itself. Of course, you have to tack on a couple minutes for going back to the house for the things I undoubtedly miss or forget in the chaos. All said and done, we got going and were at the gym 15mins early. S decided to do the trial class with X, but will not be joining in the actual class. Spencer is extremely outgoing and gregarious, and sometimes (unconsciously) takes over. Xavier is more laid back and quite so we decided to enroll him in a martial art to give him more coordination (he tends to be clumsy) and something all his own that he can show off. He really liked it and the teacher says he is fearless and does really well for a 4yo who has never done it before - he loved doing the headstands. So, keep posted because N's 6yo son can do spinning headstands and handless cartwheels after a year of classes, so I am sure X will want to show off when he gets some moves down. S has been very understanding about not being able to take the course (after his initial disappointment) but I think it has alot to do with the fact that we had a rocking playdate with N and her three kids afterward and I promised that we will go to the park and meet up with other homeschooling families for picnic lunch after each Capoeira class.

Watched a little tv when we got home and just chilled until dinner. Went for my post-dinner walk, then spent a quiet evening with Phil.

***we are not yet a homeschool family, for those of you wondering. I am still trying to make the decision whether to let S try Kinder in the Fall or just keep him home. I am not sure his style of learning will mesh well with the public school system. Also, after looking at the Texas standards for what kids need to learn, I am not sure what I feel is important will be covered. I want to engage them in the learning process and wow them with the scope of history, geography, literature, language arts, music, art, science, math, world religion, nature, etc. Basically I want to give them a classical education which will set them up to succeed in whatever they chose to do with their lives. I am conflicted. P-Daddy is worried that I will sacrifice my life and dreams for this, but I think I can handle their dreams and mine at the same time. I love that he worries about me, but I am looking into some part-time opportunities, and think I will send my C.V. to the local community colleges and try to teach a few classes.

Maggots? Cool!

2009-04-21T16:11:00.002-05:00

Monday April 20th, 2009

So, in my quest to get back in shape I have determined that we should wake up at 5:30am every morning and work out before the kids wake up. Then I will dance with the kids in the afternoon, walk in the evening and do some kind of yoga or meditation at night. Woke up at 5:00am to nurse the baby, and promptly went back to sleep. Screw exercising!! Okay, okay, calm down. I didn't wimp out on Day One...just got up at 6:00am instead, dragged our flabby bottoms downstairs and did the intro workout on a Leslie Sansone DVD. Jesus bleeping Christ I am out of shape. Leslie S kicked my ass. But, I sucked it up, walked to the park with the kids for a park date with AC and SRC, then did my 1.5 mile walk after dinner. In the meantime, I made cookies (yes, I know it defeats the purpose of exercising, shut up, I love raw dough) and made Jamaican Jerk chicken with mangoes and coconut rice for dinner. Ran masses of laundry, vacuumed and watched Scooby-Doo and the Monster of Mexico.

Where do the maggots come in? Well, about a week ago, I built a worm composter. I have been adding kitchen scraps to it in an effort to reduce our waste. I went out to feed the worms today and the bin was full of a seething mass of wiggly white things. I kind of grossed out about the whole thing until I learned that they were probably from soldier flies that came with the worms and were, in fact beneficial to the composting process. However, because my composter small, the maggots could have out-competed the worms, so I moved the composter away from the house, and covered the soil, worms, and food with a heavy layer of dried leaves. That is supposed to make the maggots either die or leave. It was pretty disgusting but interesting in a vomit-inducing way. Nature...gotta love her. By the way S wanted to know if Mother Nature still communes with us - after figuring out where he learned the proper usage of the term commune, I answered in the affirmative as evidenced by the beneficial relationship we have with our worms. Now if I could only convince P-Daddy that we really do need chickens......

Relaxed in the evening after having a glorious bubble bath (I love the soaker tub more than I can express in mere words - hell I love it so much I birthed a baby in it) and watched Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Called it a night after that so brought L upstairs and after getting her to sleep, headed that way myself.

Starting normalcy again....maybe

2009-04-19T16:35:00.004-05:00

So, the one of you who actually reads this may have noted that I stopped blogging on February 16th. That is because Lorelei Rebecca Mary was born on February 17th, safe and healthy and always happy at home after a very fast 2hr 20min labour (exactly the same amount of time I was in labour with Cordelia and they were both born on Tuesdays).

I have a history of going into labour at about 36 or 37 weeks - I just bake my kids quick. I was totally expecting the same thing to happen this time, but should have known better. This pregnancy was very different and when I was about 28 weeks along we discovered that the baby was breech. I still decided on a homebirth for a variety of personal reasons including the fact that we had just moved from Kansas to Texas and I made an instant connection with the homebirth midwives. Well, fast forward to about 37 weeks along and I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for a while (which I had also never had before) and was getting very frustrated that nothing was happening. On my visit to the midwives, they checked me and discovered that because the baby had been lying breech (she flipped about then) my cervix was still in the back, but that I was already dilated and effaced. One of the midwives (Stacey) moved my cervix into the proper position, and we all prepared for the baby to come that night because even as she moved it, I dilated further. No luck. This was Saturday and by Thursday I was really getting anxious. Joi (the other midwife) came over to see what was going on and discovered that my cervix had slipped back and that I had actually closed up a bit (went from 4cms back to 3cms). I was going out of my mind and getting really irritated and irritating. I couldn't figure out what was going on, thought maybe the baby had flipped breech again, or that there was something wrong. On Monday night, I was talking to Stacey and she offered to come over the next day and bring me some homeopathics to help relieve the stress and anxiety. While she was here, she offered to check me. Turns out I had silently dilated to an 8 almost 9cms, but the baby had her arm up by her face and her elbow was stuck behind my pelvis - that is when it all came together in our minds - I had been going in to labour for probably a few weeks, hence the Braxton-Hicks, but because of her arm position she couldn't go anywhere and the labour stalled. So, Stacey said she could move the arm, but that the instant she did, my water would break because it was ready to go any moment. I called Phil home from work, and my friends Rohina and Aaron came over with their daughter, Sofia to distract the kids.

At about 3:30 pm, Stacey moved the arm, my water broke and we all got ready. I ran the tub and hopped in while the kids played downstairs, the midwives did some prep work and Phil bounced between me and people downstairs. All in all it was pretty boring - no, seriously. I was listening to music (Lullaby Baby and Puccini) for relaxation but honestly, I wasn't feeling anything. I am not sure if it was the magic power of the soaking tub, the homeopathics or whatever, but I pretty much just hung out in the tub until I finally felt like I needed to push. I still wasn't feeling much of anything, but I was starting to feel more and more, and that is when I suddenly remembered "oh yeah, this shit hurts" and I got a little scared. Luckily Phil was there and the midwives were very calming. I pushed for longer than we all expected (we expected one push and I actually tried for about 5 mins) with no results and not much pain, so the midwives checked and it turned out I had a cervical lip. Stacey tried to move it, but the pain suddenly came on full force while she was doing it and I made her stop. I hate the sensation of losing control (as I am an intense control freak) and I started to feel like I was hitting that stage. I am sure I was not at my most courageous at that moment. Joi and Stacey informed me that it was my choice to either push through the lip which could take 2 or 3 hours, or I could let them move the lip and the baby would probably be born within moments. I sucked up my fear and feelings of helplessness and let Joi move the lip. The baby came flying down and within a few pushes (which I am assured lasted no longer than 10 mins, but in my state of loss-of-control and pain, I thought was hours) the baby's head came out with Phil supporting it, then the shoulders after which he was able to lift her up for me to hold. In all, the labour took 2 hours and 20 mins and she wasd born at 5:40ish pm on February 17th, 2009. Although the kids had wanted to see the birth, Xavier and Cordelia stayed downstairs the whole time, and I kicked Spencer out in the final moments, because I didn't want him to see me completely lose control. They rushed in just seconds after her birth. Granted they were a little concerned by the red bath water (yes, there is blood during birth and it looks like a lot more in water because it gets diluted and diffused) but were so excited to find out they had a sister. Lorelei stayed in my arms and nursed until her cord stopped pulsing and then Phil cut it. After a little bit longer, Lorelei went to be weighed and measured in our room (the bathroom is en-suite so I was able to see the whole time) and then went downstairs to meet Aaron and Sofia (Rohina came up a few minutes after her birth to see her). I stayed in the tub until I delivered the placenta and then got out and into bed (I did have to go downstairs to get the baby back), while Joi gave all the kids a lesson in placentas and what they are for - Spencer and Xavier left quickly but apparently Sofia and Cordy were enthralled by the whole thing. Within the hour, I was being served beer and pizza. Homebirth rocks!!!

We have spent the last 8 weeks enjoying watching Lorelei grow from a newborn into an integral part of the family - I hardly remember a time she wasn't here. For a recount of everything that has happened between then and now, please hop over to Phil's Blog - Philanthropology - I have limited computer time these days and he is a much wittier and interesting writer than I am.

I have promised myself to start on a journey back to ME. The ME who is not just a mother, but a wife, friend, lover, teacher, and someone who can discuss topics other than baby poop. Granted I will still talk about the kids and poop but I will also try to chronicle my journey back to caring about myself, my mind, my appearance. I used to actually be hot and skinny, not jump schlumpy and well-padded. Granted I got sick, and had 4 kids, but dammit how long can I use that excuse. No More!! I refuse to concede the battle to middle age yet. I still look too young for that. Viva Me!!!!! Wish me luck!!!

For Phil - Just as a Reminder

2009-02-16T11:51:00.001-06:00

Monday, February 16th, 2009

Bumblebee Tuna - I curse you!!!

2009-02-13T16:27:00.003-06:00

Friday, February 13th, 2009

The addictive tune from the Bumblebee Tuna commercials will not get out of my head. Make it go away...I break out into the Yum Yum BumbleBee, BumbleBee Tuna chorus at the most inopportune times, generally prompting all three kids to break out into it as well. It is a vicious cycle - I don't even eat tuna.

For those of you who don't know, it is not actually a jingle for a commercial but comes from this Mephiskapheles song from the early 90s.

Boys Adrift

2009-02-11T08:46:00.003-06:00

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

I just finished reading Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. It took me about 7 hours on and off to read because I was just so fascinated by what the authour was saying. Basically, he outlines and explains the 5 main factors leading to the rash of disengaged, underachieving boys and men in today's school systems and society - think Failure to Launch syndrome. As the mother of two (maybe three) boys this epidemic of lack of motivation and ambition concerns me greatly. I want to be prepared to help my boys become productive, happy members of society, not create little slackers who will never amount to much and will be a burden (okay, that may be a little harsh, but read the book and you will understand where this idea comes from).

When I have more time, I will outline these points and add my take on them. Right now, demands for food and drink need to take precedence.

Re-visiting Resolutions

2009-02-01T21:20:00.003-06:00

Sunday, February 1st, 2009

So Phil re-visited his resolutions on his blog, so I decided I better do a self-check too. Here goes:

1) be more patient with the kids. Tap into my inner child and try to learn how to be silly and get into their imaginative play;

Not going so well. I am finding being a SAHM more difficult than I anticipated with the constant demand on my time (I mean seriously how many times a day do the kids and pets need to eat and pee). I timed it, I am never able to sit for more than 3 mins at a time. Very difficult when you are roughly the size of a manatee.

2) finish my dissertation requirements and defend;

Had to admit to myself and everyone else that I just can't do it all, so I have requested a year's leave. I will still work on my stuff but don't want the pressure of having to produce.

3) read more for pleasure. It really does help my mood and patience;

So far so good. I have a long queue at the library and as things become available I have Phil get them for me - the library is right next to his work. So far no fiction but some good Anthony Bourdain books and one on classical homeschool education. All the fiction I want is, apparently, popular and I am pretty far down on the "hold" list.

4) after the baby is born, exercise more. I really need to get back in shape because 4 pregnancies in 5 years has wreaked havoc on this ol' body;

I spent a good deal of time looking on Amazon for dance and exercise DVDs that I can do with the kids - they were totally into the Bollywood and Latin dance ones so I will probably get some of those and we can all groove together.

5) drive less - walk more. This may be difficult in San Antonio as things are so spread out;

Not really leaving the house that much these days, and I don't want to walk too far in case that whole "labour" thing happens.

6) get a job I like;

Think I may have found one or two things that I can do part-time in the evenings or late afternoons after Phil comes home from work or on the weekends.

7) decorate the new house and get some new furniture that is less college kid and more sturdy and family friendly (and washable);

I have a whole Powerpoint presentation filled with furniture and linens and art for each of the rooms. Now just to get that job so I can actually buy the stuff.

8) spend more time on my hobbies - knitting, crochet, I would like to learn to sew. Learn more about herbal remedies. Take up new things - I think I want to learn how to make infusions like alcohol, vinegars, oils, etc;

I mentioned to one of my new friends that I wanted to learn how to sew and thought making pillowcase dresses for Cordelia would be a good starting point. She also wants to make the dresses so she is coming over tomorrow so we can figure it out together. I am almost done with the pair of socks I am making Phil, and I made two little newborn hats (one boy, one girl) for when Bumpy arrives.

9) spend more time taking care of myself. I always put myself last and it needs to stop. I am starting to believe that to be a good wife, mother, friend, person I need to look to my own needs first;

Oh please, this isn't going to happen....total pipe dream.

10) not get pregnant again :)

Still pregnant (really I am surprised) so doing really good on this one.

Braxton-Hicks Contractions

2009-01-30T15:43:00.005-06:00

Friday, January 30th, 2009

After 4 pregnancies you would think I had experienced it all. Well, this one has been different - baby is breech so I am feeling things I have never felt before - like Braxton-Hicks contractions. They suck and serve no purpose other than to remind that this is actually a somewhat uncomfortable process.

Why have a big family?

2009-01-19T20:17:00.005-06:00

Monday, January 19th, 2009

I recently attended a family playgroup and one of the topics of discussion was "how do you know you are done having kids" or "how did you decide to have the number of kids you do"? Phil and I have occasionally gotten comments about how we must be insane to have 4 kids and are often asked how we manage. My least favourite comment from random people is "I would never have 4 children!", or people assuming things about us because of the number of kids we have (no, we are not Catholic, Mormon, or on welfare).

So, I started wondering maybe we are crazy, how do we manage, what were we thinking. But then I started analyzing our reasons and came to this conclusion: We do not have 4 children, we have (or will soon have) 4 people. Those people are currently children and they drive us insane, make us laugh hysterically, show us the wonder of living everyday, make us compromise our dreams for theirs, frustrate and amaze us, but they will not be children forever. We did not go into this to have 4 children - we wanted a family. We want to watch these people grow from infants to children to teens to adults. We want to join them on their journey, help them through the hard time, share in the good times, see them fall in love, marry and have their own families if that is what they choose. Help them find their passion in life, whatever that may be.

So when people make comments about my large family, I pull up a mental picture of what I want my life to be like and in my mind I envision a holiday meal, food piled up on an extra large table, Phil and I sitting surrounded by the sound of children's laughter, seeing the kids' faces (as I imagine them all grown up) and the faces of their loved ones.

And that is why I have chosen to have a large family.

My 9 for '09

2009-01-01T21:36:00.001-06:00

Thursday, January 1st, 2009

I am resurrecting this blog. I promise. Really, I do. For my first post, my 9 hopes/desires/intentions for 2009 (in no particular order):

1) be more patient with the kids. Tap into my inner child and try to learn how to be silly and get into their imaginative play;

2) finish my dissertation requirements and defend;

3) read more for pleasure. It really does help my mood and patience;

4) after the baby is born, exercise more. I really need to get back in shape because 4 pregnancies in 5 years has wreaked havoc on this ol' body;

5) drive less - walk more. This may be difficult in San Antonio as things are so spread out;

6) get a job I like;

7) decorate the new house and get some new furniture that is less college kid and more sturdy and family friendly (and washable);

8) spend more time on my hobbies - knitting, crochet, I would like to learn to sew. Learn more about herbal remedies. Take up new things - I think I want to learn how to make infusions like alcohol, vinegars, oils, etc;

9) spend more time taking care of myself. I always put myself last and it needs to stop. I am starting to believe that to be a good wife, mother, friend, person I need to look to my own needs first;

10) not get pregnant again :)

I am the worst blogger on the planet!

2008-03-04T17:18:00.002-06:00

I am a horrible blogger. I can go for weeks without putting up something new, then a flurry of activity. I need to be better, but things have been crazy here for a while. Our camera dies over X-Mas and the quality of the camera phone pics is not so great so I will be putting project 365 on hold for a bit.

Now on to the good part of the post. I am part of an online knitting/crochet community called Ravelry. In Ravelry there are several Swap groups, and one that I am part of is called Monthly Advenutres - so each month there is a theme and a budget and you make something for a partner based on the theme within the budget. This month was called tops and pots so my partner had to send me a top (hat) and a pot (recipe for a one-pot meal). My partner is from Istanbul, Turkey and sent me the greatest package with a hat, a headband, a skein of Turkish wool, some green tea her husband picked up in China, a package of Turkish drink mix, and a peral necklace/ring/earrings fromthe Arabian sea, along with a yummy recipe for yougurt soup. I think she went over the budget.

I feel like a heel because of the craziness of our life right now I will miss the deadline for sending my partner her stuff and I am thinking of breaking the "secret" aspect of the secret swap and emailing her with a big mia culpa.

Day 6 - The sweater

2008-02-11T15:24:00.000-06:00

The other day I came home with a sweater for Spencer. It is a nice combo of beige, brown and orange, and matches a plaid flannel shirt I also picked up - can you tell I'm Canadian, eh? Phil really liked the retro look and feel of the cardigan and asked that I make a similar one for him - a request he has been making of me for years - "please, make me a sweater". So I decided to make one for him, but for the life of me can't find a pattern for anything similar. I think I am just going to have to be creative, find a close pattern and add all the elements myself. Wish me luck unless you know where I can find a good pattern for something like this.

Day 5 - Chili and Cinnamon Bun Cook-Off

2008-02-11T15:08:00.000-06:00

Our friends Ed and Elizabeth along with their daughter Frances, hosted a Chili and Cinnamon Bun cook-off at their new home today. It was a blast and eventhough my vegetarian chili did not take 1st prize we still had a fabulous time. The boys spent most of their time playing in Franny's room (there was even a 'playing doctor incident, but they actually were playing physician and Franny was checking their ears, eyes, etc.....think I am still safe from the other doctor for a while) and Cordelia schmoozed the crowd and reigned over the festivities from her perch on the fireplace.

Day 4 - Why We Co-Sleep

2008-02-08T17:07:00.001-06:00

Although our bed is very crowded with three kids, two adults, 3 cats and usually a dog or two, this is why we co-sleep.....comfort, security, safety, closeness, and love.

Day 3 - Winter Wonderland

2008-02-06T21:07:00.001-06:00

Yesterday it was raining, last night it snowed, school was closed today so we were all home. Blossom, being a fluffy, furry puppy thought the snow was great and she, Winston and yes, even Ranger the Dane, had a great time playing outside. Amazingly enough, neither of the boys wanted to play outside, but spent the day playing with a box that was delivered yesterday. A simple box was transformed into their personal cave/house/club after being decorated lovingly with crayons and markers.

Day 2 - My drive to work

2008-02-05T16:31:00.001-06:00

Phil and I have always arranged our schedules so that one of us is home while the other is working. To that end, I stay home with the kids in the morning and go to work in the afternoon. I drive about 25mins to get to work, and pass many farms on the way. I was going to snap a picture of a cow and go into a whole thing about the meat processing industry and fast food after watching Fast Food Nation this morning, but lo-and-behold, the cows were too smart to be out in the rain. So, basically this is what I see everyday on my way to work minus the usual herds of bovines. By the way, I am totally going veggie again - I was for 15 years and only starting eating a little meat in the last few years. Cordelia is a bit of a carnivore, but the boys really only like salami and bacon and Phil is currently off meat too so it shouldn't be much of an issue.

Day 1 - Project 365

2008-02-04T17:51:00.000-06:00

I have vowed to start a Project 365 of my own. My friend Kris (Share and Enjoy) and my husband Phil (Philanthropologist) have already started theirs. However, with the demise of our camera at X-Mas, I am left with nothing but my camera phone, so please excuse the quality.

After maligning the cats in a recent (and lost) post, I feel I must make it up to them, Odin the Kitten in particular, by making him Day 1.

Odin is a half Norwegian Forest Cat/Half Barn cat that we adopted when we adopted Winston the Great Pyr. He is now about 5 months old. How can you not love a face like this....

Wow, only three posts in and I already screwed up!

2008-02-04T17:25:00.000-06:00

In my quest to make the blog more visually appealing, I somehow deleted all my old posts...at least I can't find them. Not to worry - there were only three posts and the cats complained that they were horribly misrepresented in one of them. Fresh start then....